Announcements to the Irken Armada

Transmission: [Encrypted]

Originator: Invader Stick

PAK Code: 061<scrambled>42

Subject: Announcements

To the Mighty and Awesome Irken Armada:

The following are announcements of interest I have been instructed to disseminate amongst the entire Irken Armada. They were originally supposed to be transmitted by a different Irken, but that individual cut in front of me in the lunch line and I was forced to throw him into a vat of hot grease to teach him a lesson. Therefore, I have been assigned to transmit the announcements until the line-cutter recovers from his burns.

The announcements of interest for the Irken Armada are as follows:

  1. All Megadoomer orders are hereby cancelled until further notice, due to complaints of various power issues and glitches in the robot’s cloaking ability. No refunds will be issued. Those who insist on receiving a refund are directed to jump into a pit of molten lava.

  2. Shloogorgh’s Flavor Monster restaurant on Planet Foodcourtia is now accepting applications for Food Service Drone positions. Those seeking employment at Shloogorgh’s are urged to apply immediately, as positions are expected to fill up fast. A 20% bonus is offered for those willing to work during the next Great Foodening.

  3. To the owner of the blue and gold Voot Cruiser that is parked illegally in front of the snack stand on Planet Conventia: You have eight minutes to move your vehicle before it is exploded, and your own innards are disemboweled. HURRY UP AND MOVE IT, FILTHY SNACK BLOCKER!

  4. All Irkens are reminded that engaging in acts of friendship with lesser species is strictly forbidden, unless it is part of a sanctioned Invader mission. Further violations of this directive will result in re-assignment to Planet Dirt.

  5. The new season of “Ultimate Survivor: Planet Blorch Edition” will begin airing next week at 8:00PM.

  6. Invaders assigned to Operation <transmission scrambled> are urged to don your protective plastic outerwear and meet at Planet <transmission scrambled> for enhanced training. Failure to complete the training will result in instant banishment to Planet Hurtia.

That is all of the announcements of interest for this week. Praise be to the Almighty Tallest and the Magnificent Irken Armada! Invader Stick, out.

[Encrypted Transmission Ended]


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